Vision and Voice: How my Soul Speaks​

Night Messenger by Jeanette Amlie 2014

It took decades for me to allow the Vision and Voice of my Soul to come through my hands without restraint. Early in life I learned to censor this creative impulse in the hopes of making it conform to the expectations of the world around me. Trees have green leaves and houses sit on the ground and if you do them any other way then people won't like you. I know this sounds simplistic, but to a young child it is how our minds and beliefs develop.

Decade after decade life kept pushing me toward this unknown frontier of deeper creative exploration. Yet time after time I found a way to derail it, or sterilize it to make it more palatable for mass consumption. Eventually I made by hand exquisite sheets of some of the finest, white paper in the world. Sheet after sheet I lost myself in this pristine world, forgetting that there was anything that "I" might want to express upon it. Content to be the one who made the substrate for other people's creative expression. Until I almost died.
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As I recovered I realized that I had only one thing on my "bucket list". Before I died all I wanted to do was to paint. Now mind you there are so many things I had not done in my life that are essential for most people's happiness. Yet that was it, to paint without reservation or censure before I died. And so I did!

Before long I began painting in oils again, little paintings that were different than anything I had allowed myself to do before. I was sitting in meditation one day when a vision flew into my head. I really mean flew! It came out of nowhere and landed in my mind's eye. It was so specific and so insistent that I got out my art journal and began to sketch it. I decided I would begin to paint it the next day. But there came an inner imperative that was so strong I could not deny it saying "do it now!". And so I did. That was when Night Messenger came to life for me. She has been guiding me for years now, even though the original painting lives in Ecuador with my dear friend Joss Burnel.

This image has been speaking to me for years and revealing the secrets hidden in these symbols. It has deeply informed the Somatic work I do with people helping them to dance with the often mysterious symptoms of a traumatic awakening. It speaks to me of the call to listen to that which comes to us in the darkness of the night, when our rational minds are no longer in full control. It speaks of the ruby gem that lies in the center of our inner divisions. It has shown me that I must work with all the ways I have divided myself within if I am to heal and awaken, so that I can be a midwife to other creative & sensitive souls. Now more than ever I need to remind myself that the inner journey is always as important as the outer....if not more so.        ♡ Jeanette