Liberation

Liberation by Jeanette Amlie

I knew the day would come. Somewhere deep inside of me I knew that I would see the Light once again, yet it had been so long that I sometimes lost hope. There is no sense in retelling what got me there in the first place….karma, dharma, destiny, fate…it all amounts to the same thing in the end. What I do know is that even the deepest, darkest journeys through hell are a gift, even though we can’t possibly see that at the time

What matters the most is that it changed me. Living in the dark with nothing to distract you does things to your mind. First you start to go crazy, and I’m sure there are many people who get so caught and deceived by the torment that they can’t find their way out. Maybe I was one of the lucky ones, because something inside of me never gave up entirely. Although there were so many times that the flame of faith became an almost nonexistent flicker.

In time my body didn’t seem to matter anymore. It simply wasn’t being attended to any longer. Yet somehow that freed up something else inside of me to notice the energy and the presence of what I must really be. The past had been reviewed to death a million times over. The future was fuel for insanity when you have no way of knowing if you will exist in the next day or the next minute. All that was left was the present, but even that doesn’t accurately describe the experience. What was actually left was the absence of past and future, or of time as we know it. It became blurry and undefined. Within this timeless darkness I began to perceive beyond the confines of my prison. I can’t explain how, I just did. And I began to sense what my body could not possibly be feeling, it wasn’t local anymore.

Then one moment it happened. I experienced the thought that my body wasn’t solid anymore, not in the way I had believed it to be before. And in that moment, the shackles simply slid off, or they slipped through me. Something like that anyway. Then I felt the energy rise up within my core and lift me up. I realized I wasn’t really standing or walking anymore, it was more like floating. I also discovered that I didn’t need to see the way because I just knew where to go and what to do. It was the easiest thing I have ever experienced. 

When I eventually emerged from the long, dark tunnel and into the light I could finally see myself. I was glowing and hardly resembled the woman that had gone into that place so long ago. It was very surreal and quite blissful. 

I could still see the world, but the world didn’t seem to be able to see me. It could sense my presence, but not really comprehend what I was. Some saw light, others felt tingly, and still others seemed to hear my thoughts. I no longer felt fear. It was so serene. I knew this was what it was all for, the reason I could endure the suffering that brought me here. Now I could share completely without reservation. Now I was liberated from all that I thought I had to do and be. Now I knew heaven was here all along, as was hell. The difference lie within us rather than out there somewhere. 

I know it all sounds too simple and even a bit trite. I thought I understood these platitudes too before I went in there. Now I know I didn’t have a clue what they were really pointing to. I pray you can see me, hear me, sense me and understand what I have come to know. That is my gift to you, to liberate you from your prison before you have to endure what I did. That is my gift of liberation for you!